Navigating the Mysteries - Finding authenticity and the way to a more loving world.
Later today, I travel to the small coastal town of Malpica, where the Camino dos Faros – The Lighthouse Way begins. A dedicated association have strived for years to have this route officially recognised and therefore supported and maintained by the local government. This year, knocked back by another rejected application, they have lost hope and have disbanded.
This apparent failure saddens me, and I am going to walk now, before the path becomes unpassable, with the uncomfortable wayside companions of gorse and bramble. As I walk, I’ll send my appreciation to all those who have worked so hard to preserve this route, with its rich culture and rugged beauty.
The concept of failure has popped up several times since my last update. The need for humility in humanitarian work makes up part of a conversation with Glenn Goss, International humanitarian worker, which will be released as the next Full moon Feature. And during the New Moon Gathering on 16th August, a participant told us how, as a manager he had always started team meetings by mentioning a mistake or failure and exploring the learning that had been achieved from it. It became such a popular slot that his team competed to fill it!
I’ve recently read that in some indigenous cultures, it is believed that each person subconsciously evokes a mistake or failure, because, deep within themselves, they know that there is a better way. The failure serves to clear the ground and open it up for something better to emerge. By acknowledging that we actively participate in the creation of our mistakes or failures, we have to take full responsibility for our lives and can no longer claim to be victims of circumstance.
I wonder what better thing is in store for the Camino dos Faros. I shall walk, armed with secateurs to do my bit to clear the way for something new.
This week has several International Days that remind us not only of the atrocious things that we are capable of, but also the tremendous courage, resilience, love and determination to live in better ways shown by survivors and those who support them.
I love the congruence, that as I reflect upon these International Days, I will also be considering the lighthouses along the Camino dos Faros as metaphors/symbols for safety, strength and resilience – the very characteristics found in survivors and humanitarian workers.
Last week, I wrote about the ancient Sumerian myth of Inanna and how the astrology around the new moon was inviting us all to voluntarily enter our own underworld, knowing that the experience would result in the death of some out-grown part of ourselves and a rebirth into something new. The process started a reflection on right-relationship, within myself and with others that I can see continuing for some time!
My reflective nature visits the underworld frequently. I am familiar, if not entirely comfortable with the terrain. I believe that if I submit to what is ultimately a loving process, designed to bring healing and wholeness, I will gradually be changed for the better. I hope that my experiences can offer any of you who choose this path of descent some guidance and reassurance.
Most recently, my underworld sojourn was initiated by a mistake – one for which I have repeatedly scolded myself, nagging “you should have known better”. Well, if I accept the reframe that I made the mistake, subconsciously or otherwise, to bring about something better, then my scolding critical voice is silenced. I can stop hurling mud at myself and move on.
The learning from this experience, like a lotus flower with its roots deep in slimy pond-mud is gently unfurling, a petal at a time.
Synchronistically, the reminder of Inanna’s descent came at the time that I was also reading José Stevens’* account of a shamanic approach to eradicate negative behaviours and patterns of thinking.
I was struck by the congruence – 7 negative behaviours and Inanna’s passing through 7 gates to the underworld, being stripped at each one of her usual raiment.
Ah! What if my usual raiment, my habitual way of being in the world, is made up, in part at least of negative behaviours and patterns of thinking. I no longer wish to carry these about my person! How can I be in right-relationship with myself and with others if I do?
Stevens lists the behaviours as
- Self-destructive behaviour
- Greed
- Self-deprecation
- Arrogance
- Impatience
- Victimization or martyrdom
- Stubbornness
Glancing at the list, my first thought was, oh, this is ok, I don’t score too badly on any of these.
But I was deceiving myself!
Stevens likens the process of eradicating these negative emotions to a predator taking down its prey, so I’m going to go for the jugular! In this reflection I’ll highlight the two that I have unconsciously employed to cover my deepest fears. I will come back to the others another time.
As I write about these two, I veer away from Steven’s approach, perhaps unwisely, perhaps not! Rather than eliminating them outright, I offer them a different role – from now on, I invite them to be an early warning system rather than a cloak. I will welcome their warnings that I might be alerted, should I slip back into unhelpful ways, or to recognise them in another, that I may approach without judgement, in kindness and compassion, seeing beneath the outer behaviour.
Arrogance and Victimization – brothers in arms – are not giving up their treasured status in me without a fight! I can empathise with that and so speak with them gently, appreciating the loving protection they have offered me all these years, whilst being firm in my conviction that this is not how I want to be in the world anymore.
In Stevens’ stinging description Arrogance covers the fear of being vulnerable, whilst Victimization covers the fear of being trapped by people or circumstance, which in turn covers the deep fear of powerlessness.
He says that arrogance or self-importance leads to “hiding mistakes, bragging, keeping others away, avoiding intimacy, overestimating one’s abilities, inability to apologize, inflating, exaggerating, excessive attention on self, sense of superiority and wanting special treatment.”
And Victimization or Martyrdom results in “whining, mis-directed complaining, resentment, assigning blame, backbiting, vengeance, argumentativeness, self-pity, disrespect for boundaries, emotional suffering, and a failure to take responsibility”.
I have highlighted many of the behaviours from those lists, including hiding mistakes!
Now I know that whenever I act or am tempted to act superior or when want special attention, I am feeling vulnerable. Whenever I feel resentment or disrespect boundaries, I am feeling powerless. And whenever I face similar behaviours in others, perhaps they are feeling the same way.
In Uncursing the Dark, Betty de Shong Meador’s rendition has Inanna exclaiming WHAT IS THIS with each item that is removed from her. She is told,
“silence Inanna
sacred customs
must be fulfilled,
do not open your mouth
against this rite.”
I rarely submit to the stripping easily or silently, but by asking “what is this?” I am shown the true nature of the garment I have been wearing. I can then use my power to choose whether to relinquish the raiment or keep it. In this way, the powerlessness or vulnerability I so feared is reduced and I can step out of fear, into a more wholesome, authentic way of living.