Have you felt the intensity?
These last days, I’ve been taken on a deep excavation, rooting around the realm of beliefs and values. As Venus ends her retrograde, I’m emerging, holding a nugget of treasure retrieved from the cleared ground.
I think back to my days as a social worker and smile, remembering “doorstep confessions”. After an hour or more sitting with a family a critical issue would be raised as I was poised on the doorstep, about to leave. As I became more skilled, I learned to uproot the stubborn issues, by getting up to leave sooner. Once seen and heard, the relief was palpable, and I was saved from hours standing on often wet doorsteps!
Venus is about to move, and in so doing she evoked a doorstep confession from me.
The issue is money.
I’m British. And we Brits stereotypically don’t like talking about money. I’m no exception! It was a taboo subject in my family, although strangely there was an unspoken expectation, passed down by my grandfather that we would know how to work with it.
Over the years, I’ve revisited my attitudes and values around money many times, trying to cultivate something healthy, nutritious and appropriate as life’s ages and stages pass by.
But this re-evaluation has taken me deeper. It’s encouraged me to look at my values in relation to our monetary system and the energy of money. I’ve seen how entangled my values have become in a system that worships money, uses it to bestow worth, or worthlessness and controls the collective through fear.
My preferred view is one where money is currency, flowing freely, enhancing life. This feels much more heart-led and soulful. Much more the direction I want to go.
Yet here I am, finding that I still have one foot in the socially conditioned “money defines value” camp and the other in the “money is currency, enabling flow” camp.
I feel stuck.
Last summer I went for a walk on what turned out to be treacherous, slippery, mountain paths. At the point of near exhaustion with a thunderstorm looming I made the decision to cross a fast-flowing stream, that had been channeled into a narrow-ish gully at the edge of a precipitous drop off. There had been a lot of rain. The water was high.
Despite my concerns, all the signs told me that this was the path and having just slid down a steep slope on my backside, it didn’t feel as if I really had a choice. I was frightened. And so, I stepped, rather than leapt.
Now, I was straddling the gully, water gushing, crashing onto the rocks below me. Fortunately, I saw the funny side. My laughter broke the tension and allowed me to gather my thoughts! It still took a few moments before I could muster my inner yogi, focus my energy and thrust all my weight onto the front leg. Thankfully, it held firm and apart from determining not to take that path again, I managed the rest of the descent unscathed!
But here I am, stuck straddling again!
Perhaps a review of my process will be of help, in case you find yourself similarly straddling a difficult issue.
Welcoming my stuck-ness with the mantra “this is where we are today” I accepted the invitation of a wise woman to describe money to her as if she had no concept of it. In so doing, my values, hopes and fears were revealed.
The stuck-ness turned from a block into a gift, a valuable part of the process. Sometimes feeling stuck is the only posture from which to uproot fears. It doesn’t have to be a permanent state.
Flow can be restored.
Don’t you love feeling the flow?
Time disappears, everything comes together, there’s fluidity and ease, joy, creativity, fulfilment. I love to see others when they’re in their flow. Or see the results through their art or writing or a life in right-relationship to money!
I’m drawn to the ease and flow I see in Alan Clay’s writing and my intuition tells me it is born from a well-developed trust, flow and subsequent ease with life.
Before he started teaching astrology, Alan performed and taught an emotional art form called “Clown”. And his book “Angels Can Fly, A Modern Clown User Guide” has a lot to teach someone like me who’s spent life bound up in (or rebelling against) social expectations and Seriousness!
Lying between descriptions of inhibition-shattering exercises that leave me relieved to be reading from the safety of my sofa, I came to the chapter called “Process” and felt my tensed muscles relax into a long exhale. At last – something that I too advocate for, something comfortable and recognisable!
In the chapter’s opening paragraph, Alan comments that whilst everything is included in process, process also links anything with anything else. As such “Process is inclusive and has meaning in relation to other things.”
On the other hand, “Product,” he says, “is exclusive and has an individual market value. . . it is easy to buy, view and understand”. Because of this, we are rewarded and recognised for our products.
So, we rinse and repeat, competing for continued reward and recognition,
That sounds like a treadmill to me!
When product-ion is valued, how do we break out into something fresh and new?
Perhaps valuing process offers us a way to go.
For a moment, I’m allowing fear to bind my straddled feet in separate camps. But there’s a thunderstorm looming and I don’t want to stay here!
After “allow” comes “accept”, so I’m accepting that fear has kept me safe so far, but now it’s limiting my growth.
Let’s return to that idea of describing money and our monetary system to someone who has no understanding of the concept.
How does this sound?
Our current monetary system is a fear-driven transactional system based upon a myth of scarcity in which those without, don’t eat.
If this is so, then no wonder our creativity, gifts, time and energy are spent on the product-ion treadmill, trying to ensure that we have enough.
Money has surely become the master, rather than the currency.
Our great spiritual teachers warned of the consequences of this a couple of thousand years ago
“You cannot serve two masters, for either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money”
Of course, money in itself is neutral, just a tool, an energy. It can be used for both tremendous good, and bad, and everything in between.
So, perhaps its not money that’s the master, but rather those who control its flow.
And, before we fall into blaming or victim-hood, let’s remember that “those” could be internal task masters, just as much as external.
Although it’s not usually comfortable, I always start by looking within.
Under the heat of my inner scrutiny, words like value, worth, need, poverty, limitation, and lack bubbled to the surface.
These words don’t reflect my stated beliefs about money.
Here’s my doorstep confession; a deeply engrained scarcity mindset still lurks in the shadows of my psyche.
I don’t like it. I don’t want it to be there. And . . .
How wonderful!
By seeing it, I have become more aware.
My work now is to learn to allow, accept, and embrace it. By so doing, I can relax and offer greater spaciousness to the process of developing an alternative world view.
I mentioned my grandfather earlier. Born at the turn of the 20th century, he worked his way up from office delivery boy to highly successful and well-respected Company Chair. While I might not share his political views, I don’t doubt his intention, honesty and integrity over his use of money.
And he expected the same in return. Sometimes as a little girl, I would go to the shop to buy something for him, and he would always insist on having a till receipt and exact change.
My grandfather lived in London during the First and Second World Wars, experiencing the blitz, rationing and times of great tumult and need. If ever there was a time for a scarcity mindset to become embedded, that would have been it!
Whilst there was devastation, loss and grief, there was also ingenuity, creativity and resourcefulness. Community spirit rallied many into loving action.
Of-course, it’s the same today. In times of conflict, difficulty and need, we see the whole range of behaviour. Sometimes great acts arise from our hearts. Acts of kindness, generosity, and hospitality, where an attitude of what can I do, what can I give, how can I help, underpins the question “What do you need?”
Somehow, we manage to step away from the clutches of selfishness, greed and fear into the arms of oneness, generosity, and compassion.
Thoughts of my grandfather turn to Saturn, the planet that was, for so long, considered to be the outer reach of our solar system. Archetypically from a western perspective, Saturn’s rings represent limitations, structure and order. He’s the traditional, strict, father figure, one who commands respect and sometimes fear.
We all know the adage – the teacher comes when the student is ready.
In astrological terms, it’s agreed that new planetary bodies are “discovered” when we’re ready to integrate all they have to teach us. In the last twenty or so years, many such bodies have come to our awareness, inviting our consciousness to expand exponentially.
But how can our views expand if we stay restrained by Saturn’s limits?
Is another new form for an old symbol needed?
Heather Ensworth[ii] offers an interpretation that I find helpful.
Heather suggests that the traditional, limiting view of Saturn was born from a patriarchal mindset. She instead sees Saturn from an earlier time when the sacred feminine was revered equally with the sacred masculine.
In the Sumerian myth of Inanna[iii] Heather describes how Saturn represents Enki, the Sumerian god of wisdom. Enki is the one who oversees Inanna’s initiatory journey. He sets the wheels in motion for Ereshkigal to be seen in her pain and for Inanna to be revived and rescued from the underworld.
Enki, like gaseous Saturn, is a fluid character, who belongs to no realm but moves between heaven and earth. As such, he becomes a bridge between the visible and invisible, the known and the unknown.
Like a good father, has Saturn been holding us within appropriate limits and structure until we we’re ready to move into greater maturity?
Is it now time for Saturn/Enki to transform into the threshold guardian inviting us into a new, more spiritual realm?
For every crossing, there’s price to pay!
Sedna, who now represents the outer limit of our solar system knows the cost.
Like Inanna, Sedna’s story is one of initiation. She is betrayed by the patriarchy, stripped of her previous identity and ways of doing. She undergoes a death, and rebirth as goddess of the sea.[iv]
And Sedna teaches us that in the realms beyond Saturn, we have the capacity to find fundamentally new solutions to old problems.
The process has begun. Look at the numerous alternative economies being tried and tested across the globe, pioneering the way.
However, my brief research suggests that they are all based upon the perceived value of the product, rather than the value of the person, (or sentient being) and the process of living together in all our interconnectedness as one.
I think something more is needed.
In New forms for old symbols, I mentioned how I have a propensity for fantasy.
Well, according to the Gene Keys, its another of those shadow states, happily positioned in the sphere of my profile called “Purpose”.
I’m experimenting with the idea that every shadow state holds the seed of a gift, which has the potential to blossom into a more transcendent state.
Whilst I love fantasy, I know how shadowy it can be if we abide there. Something comforting can become addictive, a daydream can be a distraction. The obstacles to action can simply feel too great.
Or conformity to societal expectations can suffocate our ideas. Low self-esteem or sense of worthlessness can raise its fearful head. The fear of lack or shame of loss can squeeze any life from a hope once held.
But what if Fantasy is a seed, planted in the fertile soil of our psyche?
What could happen if we allow ourselves temporary escape from our current reality to focus our imaginations on the extraordinary and seemingly impossible?
What worlds or scenarios could we envision?
And then, how do we ground our fantasies?
What is the path of growth?
The Gene Keys suggest is that Fantasy germinates into Anticipation. And Anticipation blossoms into Emanation.
How wonderful!
We really can begin to dream in a world in which money becomes a currency promoting love and life.
We’re seeing many of our current systems disintegrating before our eyes. Although we might want to hold onto the familiar, like a house built upon the sand, when the flood comes the house will we swept away.
In the great cycle of life, death is always accompanied by birth. Now is the time to begin dreaming in the new.
Was it Einstein that said to simply repeat the same thing over and over and expect different results is madness? Sedna says something similar. We need radically new solutions to old problems. New systems, built upon firm foundations.
The language varies according to tradition and culture, but it seems that all wisdom teachings value our earth and all who live upon it.
They recognise that each person is a precious being, a fractal expression of cosmic consciousness.
That we are intimately interconnected.
That we each have a part to play.
And that we are the ancestors of future generations.
What then will we dream in and anticipate?
What will we begin to emanate for those who come after us?
How about a world founded in the truth of abundance?
How about a world based upon the principles of compassion, equity, inclusion, justice and love?
A world in which we take personal responsibility, honour one another and collectively serve the well-being of the whole.
How about a world in which we ask – what can I give?
A world in which all sentient beings are honoured and celebrated in their individual uniqueness and interconnectedness as One.
I understand that we’re in the in-between and that money isn’t going away any time soon. But I believe it can be put to good use.
This full moon offers a wonderful opportunity to see and then release fearful attitudes and practices around money.
And to be inspired to dream in and anticipate a monetary system based on love.
Will you join me?
May we each find life-giving May April’s Full Moon shine brightly on you,
Be happy, be safe, be well
Annie
[i] Gospel of Matthew: 6:24
[ii] Heather Ensworth: Finding Our Center: Wisdom from the Stars and Planets
[iii] My reflection on the Venus Cycle considers this myth and Heather Ensworth has several videos describing how various characters in the myth are represented by our planets – e.g. End of March 2025- Extraordinary Planetary Energies and Venus’ Journey to the Underworld and Return and More on the Venus Cycle, the Transformation of Mars, and Our Healing Journeys: a talk from a summit
[iv] You can read my version and accompanying thoughts on the Sedna myth in my blog But I say to you.
Images:
Waterfall, rocky path, full moon – Annie Sempill
Saturn – Pickpik (Creative Commons License)
Flow – Pickpik (Creative Commons License)
Seeking Renewal
How do we step out of a time of forgetting? Life-death-rebirth, the repeating three-day cycle continues! I’ve been actively seeking renewal, keeping watch for it, writing
Remember Right-Relationship
Wallet? Phone? Check. Water? Yes, water. Nothing left under the bed? No, I’ve checked twice! We groan in unison as we shoulder our packs, automatically
Retrograde Reflections: A doorstep confession and the energy of money
Have you felt the intensity? These last days, I’ve been taken on a deep excavation, rooting around the realm of beliefs and values. As Venus
New Forms for Old Symbols
What an amazing time to be alive! There’s so much going on, it’s hard to know where to start! Let’s begin by looking to the
Equanimity and the Equinox
I’m having such fun with the Contemplating Consciousness posts on Substack that I want to break my pattern and share an additional, short invitation to
Seriousness: And what happens when you let it go
Firstly, thank you to those of you who have subscribed to Contemplating Consciousness on Substack. I feel encouraged! And especial heart felt thanks to my